For those who struggle.  

I know not everyone can relate to this, but those who can, I hope it will help you a little. xx

I still quite can’t believe I caught Harry’s eye when he saw me. He asked for my number and invited me for drinks tonight, so now I was sitting at the bar and chatting with him, the conversation flowing like we’ve known each other forever.

I reached for my glass, laughing at the story he just told me about what usually happens in the tour bus and Harry noticed a piece of black, lacy material wrapped around my wrist.

“What’s that?” he asked, his eyes scanning my hand. I cursed myself and inhaled deeply, trying to stay calm – lying wasn’t my best side.

“I don’t know. I just liked it.” I replied quickly, hiding my hand under the table and looking away.

“It looks quite extraordinary… I mean I don’t see something like this on girls often.” He said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, it’s a little bit weird… I guess.” I forced a smile, not really sure what to say to him. Unfortunately, he noticed a change in the tone of my voice.

“I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” he asked cautiously, taking my hand from under the table, guiding his fingertips along the covered skin of my wrist. “Why do you wear it?” he asked more seriously now, his voice firm, yet still gentle. I looked down, refusing to answer and he started moving the material from my wrist.

“Please don’t!” I jumped anxiously, taking my hand away and shaking my head in refusal.

I felt the tears watering my eyes, but I bit my lip and promised myself I will not break down in front of him. I was upset and lonely for too long to ruin it now just because my life is shit. Especially that it was Harry. It didn’t take me a lot to confirm my opinion I always had on him – he was gentle, funny and sweet. And he seemed to like me. I promised myself that for once in my life, I won’t ruin something good that happened to me.

He put his thumb under my chin, lifting it up and forcing me to look him in the eyes, his piercing gaze focused on me, patiently waiting for me to open up to him and give him the answer.

“We all make mistakes.” I mumbled quietly, biting my lips and forcing myself not to cry. He swallowed tranquilly and I now felt guilty for burdening him with my problems, even though we barely knew each other.

“Have you told anyone?” he asked, taking a strand of my hair behind my ear. It was really sweet from him that he cared, but I felt this horrible feeling inside of me, when nerves and panic starts overwhelming me and I have to fight to keep my breath steady. It was supposed to be a nice date. Something nice. Something that wouldn’t be intoxicated with the shit I deal with normally.

“No. People have enough problems in their lives. I don’t want to add them mine.” I replied, feeling a small tear falling down my cheek.

Apparently Harry realized he shouldn’t push me on this subject and he became silent. I couldn’t take it anymore and I broke in front of him, crying and hiding my face in my hands. I felt ashamed, guilty. It all went not the way I wanted. I managed to hide this stupid lacy hair band wrapped around my hand without my family noticing or maybe it was just because they didn’t give a fuck. I don’t know, but I hoped that no one will know, yet Harry had to ask about it, even though he knew me for a few hours.

“Sssh…” he hushed me, moving closer and embracing me and cuddling me to his body as he let me cry on his shoulder.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so pathetic, but I just couldn’t stop the tears falling down my cheeks.  After stifling all my feelings inside for so long, I lost the strength to hide them anymore, maybe that was exactly what I needed. Someone’s attention, someone who will hear my silent scream for help.

When I didn’t have any tears left, he took my hand and pulled the hair band from my wrist, the fresh little wounds showing.  I tried to fight him, to pull my hand away, hide it and run away, forgetting he ever saw me, but he didn’t let me. He was holding my hand strongly, not letting me go. He took my hand to his lips, kissing the reddened marks on my skin.

“I don’t know what made you do that, but your skin isn’t paper, don’t cut it. It hurts to see such a beautiful girl to do this to herself. I know it’s hard sometimes, but there are better ways. Promise me you won’t do it anymore… For me.” he said, kissing my hair tenderly and intertwining our fingers, his thumb rubbing the top of my palm.

I smiled slightly, wondering if he tried to use his charm and thinks I would obey because Harry Styles told me. Then I looked him in the eyes, those green, mesmerizing orbs staring intently into mine and they proved me wrong. He was just a genuine, caring boy, trying to help me.

“I promise I’ll try.” I whispered and the corners of his mouth lift up.

“Thank you.” He said, bringing my palm to his lips and kissing my knuckles. I wasn’t sure why was he thanking me, but the bright light in his voice, this warmness and tenderness were like a soothing balm for my wounded heart.

It is not easy, facing the demons hunting you every day. It’s hard to fight the urge to grab something to harm yourself with. It’s ever harder to stand up to the cruel world, knowing that it will cost you a lot of strength. But in that moment I realized – it is worth it. Because no matter how many bad people I will meet in my life, no matter how much they will hurt me, even though I will sometimes think there is no hope for me and nobody cares - there will always be someone who cares. Who’s ready to listen to you and take the weight of the problems from your shoulders, making it easier for you. When everyone else fails, you will always come across your special guardian angel, like Harry turned to be, who will light this little spark of hope that you seemed to lose. So it’s worth fighting. Because one day, life will get tired of upsetting you.